Lilith: Miles of octaves (my man's different speaking voice pitches)

This is a creepy yet empirical analysis of my beau's varying vocal registers. Read at your own risk.

I always kind of knew, but Miles*, like each one of us, adjusts the tone of his voice and manner of speaking depending on who he's addressing.

Its significance to me is overwhelming. In a matter of five minutes, I understood the importance of the people in his life and how he talked with them. I understood that it is one giveaway--one way for me to understand where a person stands in his life. I know him enough to be able to piece things together. I'm not even sure if he's actually easy to read, or if I probably have just known him for a long time, or if the theory that I'm actually pretty fucking discerning can be verified.

Hm. It could be all three.

No matter. I think I'm going to come up with a list first, then explain later. I'm not entirely sure if my educated guesses are accurate, but they all have a basis. Now, without further ado:

1. Me
2. My friends
3. His parents
4. His childhood friend and best friend, Christian*
5. His brother
6. Close friends
7. Friends, my parents
8. Acquaintances, strangers, supervisors, co-workers

I have yet to really get into how he speaks to different people around him. What I'm a bit certain of right now is his voice pitch. I guess this is obvious, but I've observed, and I'm pretty fucking sure, that his voice is in his highest octave when he's talking to me. I can't think of anybody else he's used this particular voice pitch on. The closest would be animals--you know, pets. Pet dogs. Actually, his voice goes a even a bit higher when he's addressing dogs. But don't we all talk funny towards animals?

Er, I don't, that's for sure. Hahaha. I talk to animals the way I talk with people. Boring.

I've observed that his voice goes a little deeper when he's talking to his parents. But I can also tell he's just as relaxed as when he's talking to me. I guess he's just a little more casual with parents, so he's being his usual self--the son. I don't want to say he's equally comfortable with me as he is with parents, because his parents and I offer distinct types of comfort. I only have theories right now as to why his vocal register is slightly different with his parents (compared to me).

I wanted to write about this after I've gone through the list, but it'll make more sense if I mention it now. I think that the voice you use to talk with people may/can/partially depend on how comfortable you are with them. With Miles, I guess the more comfortable he is, the higher his voice goes. I'm not sure yet. I think that it takes more effort to lower your voice than to raise it, so I assume that if you're very comfortable (and, well, pleased) with the person you're talking to, you unconsciously raise your voice pitch a bit.

Moving on... I've heard him talking with his best friend. His voice drops even lower, but his manner is still relaxed and friendly. Happy, even. He sounds more open, and now that I think about it, I think Christian, his parents and I belong to one group altogether. He's comfortable with all of us--and the difference in voice pitch that he uses on us is more natural than intentional. He's being himself, being Christian's Miles, my Miles, his parents' Miles. But he's still Miles.

I think that he plays the natural role of the boyish best friend; the obedient, respectful and responsible son; and, er, the boyfriend, which are reflected in the tone of his voice when he addresses Chris, his parents, or me, respectively. Again, there is barely any effort; probably even none, when the tone changes.

I'd like to point out a sub-theory: the voice register he uses on his parents can never be duplicated. They're his only parents, I think he will always speak to them in a distinctive voice, in a distinctive manner. I haven't actually observed that yet, so I don't know much, but I have a feeling I'm pretty spot-on on this one. When I hear him talking to his dad or mom, he sounds casual, his voice drops (lower than when he talks to me), he's polite yet at times he sounds bored. He's very controlled. You can never tell if he's being annoyed, happy, sad, or what. I guess that says something about how he wants to be perceived by his parents. Then again, I'm just assuming. It's interesting, though.

This one's interesting. His brother. I think the voice he uses on his brother borders on the one he uses with his close friends, casual friends, or even the people he works with. His voice would definitely be much lower on his younger brother. This time, however, it'll be slightly intentional. He would unconsciously make an effort to keep his voice lower. He's the older brother, he and little bro disagree more often than not. He's superior. He believes he is the better brother, the survivor, the winner, the one who will never get lost. He wants to show his authority, wants to influence the younger one, because li'l bro gets lost very often. Deep inside, he cares a lot about his brother, so he can be imposing, even just through the slightest of manners; and if his lost brother starts getting a direction in life, he wants to be responsible in making that happen.

I'd like to think his voice goes even lower with close friends. They weren't family, so of course there are some parts of him he'd like to mask. If a deeper voice helps, he'll do it. This is all unconscious, by the way; the effort is almost not felt, but it is there. Friends? Deeper. Acquaintances? Even deeper. The people he works with? He's at his lowest damn Do. And I get it. The more he has to keep about himself, or the more he has to impress them, or maintain a certain impression, the lower his voice goes. I think it reassures him. They become part of his walls. Somehow, I wonder if we are all like this.

The voice he uses with my parents is entirely different, to be honest. It is deep, because he put some walls up, but there's also a certain nervousness about them. It's another distinct voice. It has some elements from the one he uses when talking to his own parents, and some parts from when he addresses my friends. I'll get to that one in a bit. It's a little tense, but polite, but self-conscious; careful. He's trying to be precise, and he's still testing waters. It'll change someday, so I'm not worried. Somehow I wish his voice would go up a little when my parents converse with him.

I think it's pure discomfort with my friends. In a way, he tries to sound like he's talking to me when he's talking to my friends. He's part nervous, part self-conscious. A hundred percent polite and borderline awkward. It may be the fact that there probably isn't anything common between my friends and him; or that he probably won't encounter the same group of friends again in the future that he doesn't seem to be making an effort to put himself out there too much (control his voice somehow). My friends are his acquaintances, but his voice retains the same quality as it does when we talk. In other words, he's actually only reserving that voice for me if I ever engage him into a conversation while my friends are around (which I do), plus, plus (he wants to appear friendly, boyfriend-like, gentle, and polite).

Unpleasant thoughts plagued my mind as I wondered what he would sound like if he had to talk with other women (not just ones from work, but strangers, or friends of friends, relatives of friends, friends of relatives); particularly attractive ones. I also wondered how he's talk to his exes. I witnessed a conversation between him and his ex before, and damn, was he talking to a puppy? Besides being a teenager, was there any other reason his voice was borderline soprano? Was he trying to meet the shrill vocal quality of his freaking ex? I wonder.

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It's funny that I think about these things--even funnier that I write about it in a research paper-inspired manner. I feel kind of sick knowing I'll probably never have anybody thinking too hard about me like this, trying to figure me out as if I'm a problem to be solved. I yearn for that for some reason, but I only want that from one person, nobody else. That's not too much to ask, is it? I don't need that kind of attention from anybody else but a significant other.

There are times I wish I was male so I could please some hopeless woman out there who believed no man would ever cry when they first see her in her wedding dress, or notice that they're wearing a new pair of earrings or cut their hair a fourth of an inch shorter, or that they have different types of laughs, or varying voice registers.

Hm... but this is life, meaning it's real. Meaning, this is not a film, or a book... not a work of fiction. Things hurt and you feel them. You can't re-read something you missed, or skip pages to get to the end. You can't re-write it and you can never expect anything. The characters are more real, more fucked up, more unbelievably unpredictable. 

Call of duty! The kitchen beckons me. My stomach protesting is saving me from getting upset. Therefore, I must retire, and hopefully I don't creep out too many people with this revealing post. Oh, well, I warned you anyway.


Lilith

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*Code name/s