Tuesday, July 30, 2013

ATYT: Malicious blood relatives

Remember: when dealing with these types of people, recite the Miranda warning in your head. In this case, you are extorted by your human need for safety and security to remain silent, because EVERYTHING you say or do will be used against you for no particular reason.

I wonder if we are all related to someone who plants seeds of hate towards their own relatives, no matter how young or old, whether or not they have met, or no matter what the frequency of their interaction, for their own entertainment.

I also wonder where they get that attitude from. Was it the way they were brought up, is it in their blood to HATE HATE HATE HAPPY LUCKY AMAZING RELATIVES MUST BRING THEM DOWN THEY CAN’T BE THAT PERFECT

Is it their culture? Does it even have anything to do with them being relatives? Maybe they are just really spiteful people that have too much time on their hands. Or they are too insecure and unhappy with their lives that they can’t stand seeing other people happy... whether they’re blood-related or not.

I am unfortunately related to such relatives. I’m telling you, it’s not just one or two of them, they’re a large group. They’re basically a small community (I’m from a large family), with only one or two people that are genuinely nice, who I believe I can trust.

Fortunately, I have a bigger support group consisting of relatives as well. They are the complete opposite of Team Negatron: they congratulate you for your achievements, have got your back all the way, pray for your success and happiness, are pleased when they hear about your accomplishments, really, truly care about you, are affected when you are faced with misfortune, appreciate and love your company, oh, I could go on...

They’re another story (a better one, too), so let’s stick with the cancerous team. They want nothing but to make up stories behind your back, twist your words no matter how innocent they are (thus you can never trust them and must keep in mind that they are just professional ass-kissers), just to make things intriguing and interesting, they gossip A LOT, do not appreciate beauty, take advantage of your kindness, do not consider your convenience, are insecure and dangerously envious, Jesus, this could’ve been a shorter paragraph if I just enumerated the Seven Deadly Sins.

I always try to piece together everything I know about each and every one of these relatives to figure out what could have made them so nasty.

I get it: they don’t have the best childhoods. However, when you are over 21, you are responsible for your own actions and decisions—my mother always told me that. There is no excuse for bad behavior.

Why did they choose to be so negative? No wonder they get seriously ill when they’re ill. I’m talking about deadly diseases that they harvest within themselves out of so much hatred and butthurt.

Here’s how I deal with this sad bunch of garbagemouths:

1.     Avoidance. If they are my friends, followers, or whatever in any social media account, I make sure everything is private. Otherwise, I just don’t connect with them on there. I’m the same way offline, for my own (and other loved ones’) safety. These people get bored of their lives that they just need a little something about you to spice everything up with carefully-crafted intrigues. I keep any form of exposure to a minimum as much as I can—this is a must. Not to mention it usually works, and I am usually at peace, until...

2.     Acting professionally. My dad, being a good guy who believes in the saying ‘blood is thicker than water’, cares about these people no matter how troublesome they are. (But let me tell you one thing: good guy dad has been screwed over and over again by these people in many ways that no human being deserved. Dad’s forgiveness level: Jesus, because I’m pretty sure Team Negatron members are Judas’ descendants.)

To respect dad, we sometimes meet these people, typically during somebody’s birthday or holidays. I don’t ignore them—I greet them with hugs and kisses or fist pumps and ask them how they’ve been. I talk with them, albeit cautiously. I don’t act fake smiles or act excited around them, because I am not, but I try to be pleasant.

When they have questions, I give short answers, and avoid sharing feelings because of their habits to twist words and make you look bad. The key is to use all your positive energy to shield yourself from further scrutiny... or you can always act busy with your smartphone.

Sometimes, they will intentionally start badmouthing other people, usually somebody you know, in front of you. There are times they will want you to be their audience. I immediately hold a hand up and let them know I am not interested in such negative things, especially if it’s their victim’s business. I show them I’m not into sticking my nose into every goddamn thing, not at all. The stubborn ones just keep going and even solicit an opinion on the insignificant matter (whatshisface got somebody pregnant and now he’s broke, whatsherface is being a rebellious teenager) but I politely tell them that it’s none of my fucking concern, so I don’t want to hear it. It’s just the right thing to do.

3.     Acting smarter than you think you’ll ever be. This one’s pretty easy if you’re a smooth talker. If you’re not, well, shit. Run away or something. Pretend to have diarrhea, I guess. What I do is I try to give intelligent opinions or answers whenever I am engaged into conversation. They will still call you ugly and make fun of your mannerisms (as if they don’t have any) behind your back to other people you know, but at least they can’t call you stupid. I’ve learned this kind of the hard way. Good news is, they’re stuck in the past, thinking I’m still ignorant and sheltered, but they can’t be more wrong. I’m done being bothered by that.

4.     Being fiercely happy. If you can emit a light, do so at all times. Especially in pictures, because you try not to see these people too often. I can’t do that, though, so I just take many happy pictures. These evil witches will do everything to find some dirt about you so they will approach the people closest to you—friends, other good relatives, your parents. I used to hate having pictures taken, but I now welcome it, knowing that those little shits will never see me cry or frown or anything. I’m happily buying groceries with my mom! I’m happily having dinner with my parents at this restaurant! I’m happily catching up with my good friend! We love each other so much, we’re hugging! They’ll hate me more for it and they’ll be pushed to find some garbage about me harder, but they’re so butthurt that I really don’t give a crap.

5.     Forgetting. Believe it or not, unless somebody talks about them, those evil relatives are basically nonexistent to me—no shit. I will never forget the year that I forgot I had this one relative—know how I remembered her? She made up some story about how I was lesbian and had a girlfriend (she also used to tell my dad I was suicidal... which I’ve never been, LMAO) and told my dad (unfortunately, even when he’s a generally nice guy, dad doesn’t seem to always be ready to give his best daughter the benefit of the doubt), and the misunderstanding, in turn, alarmed him. Thankfully, we have Mrs. Otrera, who will never in a million years believe that I could kill an ant. An exaggeration, but you know what I mean.
I don’t mind having the notion that about half of my relatives don’t exist. There’s a reason I’ve never been close with that lot, and that I spent the most awesome time with a bigger, better set of relatives—it’s because I wasn’t meant to be a bad fruit. No matter how much those shitheads insist that I’ve always been a rotten kid and I will grow up to be nothing, even they know that those are wishful thinking.

Doesn’t this make me sound like an asshole? It probably does, but I’ll never be as bad as they are. If they were the tiniest bit nicer, I’d be a fucking saint. A cherub, even. They’ve tried to make my parents’ lives hard, hated on my mom and I for no reason other than we’re better, more sincere people than they ever will be... or that we’re simply different from them. We don’t have so much hatred in our hearts. We try to see the best in people, even when it’s hard to, sometimes.

I only have one message for those nasty relatives: take care of yourself—a black heart will kill you.


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Do be nice--we are all fighting difficult battles.