ATYT: the bratty employers' market

It's hard to ace interviews where the employer tries to find faults in every decision you make. I'd try to imagine myself answering question X with A, but I know what the interviewer will conclude from that answer and mention it's a concern, so I think of answering with B, but the interviewer will find it as another concern. For example, if you say you are independent, they'll tell you they can't have some antisocial fucker work for them because sometimes you need to work with others. Sorry, but independence doesn't mean social awkwardness or refusal to work in a team. However, if you say you are a people person, they're going to tell you that they need someone independent and has no problem with working alone because you can't always expect support from your coworkers. Apparently, in an interview, the proper way to describe yourself to some morons should be like this:

"I am both up and down. I am white, however, I'm black, too (hell, I can even be any shade of gray any day!). I'm smooth, but also rough. I'm cold and hot at the same time!"

Then they'll give you a slow clap.

It's odd that there are right or wrong answers during job interviews where correct answers aren't required. It's also unfair that you get judged for something so trivial AND THEN insulted, that no matter how good your skills or experience or demeanor, they'll just shoot you down. If it's a test of patience or tolerance, that's okay. But I'm positive that 90% of those kinds of interviewers (not from the HR, but hiring managers) were dead serious about being rude. I was going through pages and pages of complaints about rude hiring managers on a forum last night after my experience with a small company (here, where I'm from), operating behind a quite well-known international brand... and hearing about worse stories didn't make me feel better. In fact, having been interviewed, I believe, so much more than people my age that I know, I can say I haven't really met anyone who was just downright demonic. I've had hiring managers:

-looking at my resume, smirking condescendingly all the time while asking me questions whose answers he didn't believe (what's the point then?),

-implying that I should dress better (honestly and humbly speaking... I dress up pretty well on a regular basis and you can ask around about this... so of course when going to interviews my look is much more upgraded, and I don't get this part one bit--did they want me to wear expensive brands with a bigass logo printed on my bag, shoes, my blazer's back etc., to be impressed? Did they want me to wear 24k gold jewelry or diamonds or pearls or... 24k gold shoes with diamonds and pearls embedded in them? Or should I have entered the room in a carriage, or being carried by my butler, and offer them some champagne? For real.),

-telling me my relevant work experience was not relevant (I later on laughed at this experience, after I found out that that company was particular with hiring employees who are at least half-Chinese, and who are preferably round-faced [for good luck, I was told] and I'm so sorry I'm just a Pacific mutt with brains, a good personality and the right experience... boo hoo),

-telling me that they wanted fresh grads but those freshies have to have a few years of experience in the industry (huh???),

-telling me they want fresh grads but should not have to train them (as if you really learn about how things really go down in college! These are all books and simulations! I've been there; are you crazy? You can't not train fresh grads. Even the ones with good exposure to the industry needed to be guided!)

-reading into everything I say: "is doing so and so part of this position's job?" He said, "yes; do I sense hesitance in doing that? " No fucker I want to know the extent of the duties and responsibilities of that position because....... duh. I don't just take a job, not knowing that as a (sarcasm, for those who have difficulty identifying it) social media marketing executive I also have to clean toilets and sell cookies and also be the company driver. And do the CEO's daughters' homework.

-telling me I seem to be uncomfortable, therefore I can't communicate with all types of personalities (I was happy to find out last night, on that forum, that many interviewees get the "you're (too) shy/timid/lacking in confidence" when every. Single. Fucking. Applicant. Would. Always. Be. Nervous. During. An. Interview. It's nerves, excitement; they have to be alert and heighten their senses somehow and try to say the right things without knowing whether or not they're even doing so--have you ever been there? It's crazy! And then when you meet someone who isn't nervous, they're too cool and cocky? Wow, okay.

-not believing anything I say after previously not giving them a particular answer that they were looking for.
"Okay so Lilith, define love with one word." "Passion."
"Okay well that wasn't the answer I was looking for. Anyone who fits this position will definitely answer 'skiddadlewiddershins'. So have you done ABC before?"
"Yes (proceeds to give examples)"
"So no. No you haven't."
"I believe I did, and I have those examples to support this as well..."
"Nope. Wrong. So Lilith after I asked you 570, 084 questions about irrelevant stuff you learned in school a long time ago that basically nobody remembers anymore, I can tell that your knowledge is nonexistent. So what else can you contribute to the company if we give you this position?"
"I can W, X, Y and Z.... etc. Etc."
"Okay well we don't need W because I can do that. We don't need X because another one of our employees can do that. Y is pretty silly because duh it just is, and Z is useless 'cause I say so."
"..."
"So you're not knowledgeable and have nothing to offer so you may not fit here (proceeds to defend herself for calling me stupid and useless by acting "fair") so anyway, what sets you apart from other applicants?"
"I'm H, I, and J and I always K."
"OK BUT YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT"
"..."

Obviously, for some reason, I stopped being a candidate after she didn't get the answer she wanted. She should have just let me go home so I can have lunch and continue to look for other opportunities!

Thanks for reading my emopunk rantings. I guess this had been bottled up for years that I just had to explode in such a way that the fresh grad-Lilith, early employment-Lilith and now-Lilith have  merged into one,therefore coming up with this mess of a blog post.

Also, TMI: I'm PMSing. And I'm so done with being insulted  yesterday. I still lost all my confidence and happiness and drive yesterday from being told that even with everything I know and can give, I don't even deserve an insulting minimum wage assistant job even after my non-rank-and-file, almost managerial experience just because she asked a bunch of high school entrance examination questions that I didn't answer the way she wanted me to. Boo hoo. :( A whole hour of putting me down... I hope she got a kick out of that! What a shithead.

Out.


Lilith